Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
at 10:20am
With the holiday season here, we have more time to spend time with our family, our extended family, and with others who are important in our lives. It’s the perfect time to find moments of one-on-one time where you can ask the Magic Question to anyone in your life who you care about. I’ve written about this question before. Perhaps as some of you are reading this you already know what that question is. So … I’m going to tease you some more as some of you will jump ahead and avoid this dramatic build-up!
It’s the question that helped me begin to connect with my pre-teen who is now about to get his driver’s license. It’s the question I’ve asked my wife on date night. It’s the question I’ve asked my direct reports from time to time. So here it is:
”What are 3 things I can do to be a better (blank) for you?” What you put in the “blank” is up to you: father, mother, spouse, brother, friend, boss. You will be amazed at what you hear. It’s the single most powerful question that begins healing or continues to build a healthy relationship just in the asking. It says one thing that everyone needs to know about you: DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME? People don’t care what you know—they want to know that you care. So dads, stop throwing facts and figures at your kids and trying to prove them wrong. And dads: I only pick on you because I’m one and that’s what I used to do until I asked the magic question to my pre-teen four years ago and two times since. Start listening and ask the Magic Question!
Joe Kiedinger
ACTION PLAN: Ask the Magic Question to at least three people this holiday season.
Wednesday, September 21st, 2011
at 9:29am
My son, Alex, recently started his first job as a bagger at Festival Foods. His leader, Mary Kay, just held a three-month review on his performance. When Alex told me he had a three-month review, I thought, Already? His review lasted about 15 minutes and afterward he found me in the store doing some shopping. He had a smile that said “CONFIDENCE.” I asked him how it went. He said, “I’m a rock star!” and then gave me a broad smile. Later he told me how Mary Kay pointed out specific things he was doing right. She even gave examples from other leaders who noticed positive behavior. After building Alex up, she asked him a very powerful question: “What can I do to help make your employment here more enjoyable?”
This gave Alex an open door to share with Mary Kay how he likes variety and would be interested in learning how to be a cart runner and to be able to do both duties for a healthy variety. Mary Kay said, “I can do that.” She also asked him, “Where do you see where you can improve?” Alex shared his thoughts and Mary Kay made him feel that it was OK to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. I’ve been telling him that for years, but it took Mary Kay to remind him as his leader and direct him on how to improve for it to sink in.
Thank you to all leaders like Mary Kay who not only take the time to coach but take the time to listen. The leaders who have the guts to ask the most powerful Servant Leadership question, “What is it that I can do to help you?” Parents like me are depending on you to join our village and help our teenagers transition into becoming responsible adults.
Joe Kiedinger
ACTION PLAN: Seek the feedback you need to help others you care about!
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